At the End of the Road
by join.me.in.the.thunder
Summary: -"It's okay," I reminded myself. I kept chanting the words over and over, feeling numb. "Soon you'll feel nothing at all. It'll be better that way." When the loss of someone not-so-close happens, how will it affect everyone who pushed her away? On hiatus
1. Chapter 1

_Hey! This story is kinda sad, but I felt inspired by other stories, so I decided to write my own. I'll still be updating I Love You Not, so don't worry. I hope you like this!_

* * *

I breathed in a sigh of relief. All my options were laid on my bed spread, giving me the power. No one could stop me. I smiled dryly. For the first time, no one would be able to stop me. No one would be able to stop my final act.

I moved my hands along the items, thinking of many ways. My fingers danced over the gun, tracing its pattern. The cool metal gave me goosebumps, and I sucked in the human feeling, remembering it well. I moved my hands to the bottle, the pills inside making a little song. They rolled around inside, dying to get out. I smiled again, my dry lips cracking. My fingers shifted to the rope, the rough texture reminding me of his voice. I choked back a sob, moving onto the next item.

_"It's okay," _I reminded myself. I kept chanting the words over and over, feeling nothing. _"Soon, you'll feel nothing. It'll be better that way."_

The knife glinted in the sunlight, making the steel a few degree's warmer. That was one thing I was defiantly going to miss. The sun. I breathed in the dust swirling around the air, and moved onto the next choice. A little tube of water. Or course, it had come from the full bathtub, but I need to put a sample out, to remember the option. Lastly, my fingers ran across the little piece of paper. If I dialed the number, the men could be here in twenty minutes, sweeping me away, waiting until night. Of course they would rape me first, multiple times, all of them. But who would care?

Not me.

I sighed, looking at my options. I decided, then turned around, looking at all the pictures. The bottles of alcohol sat next to them, along with a polished shot glass, each with the name of the person on it. I took the first one, and filled it to the brim with vodka.

"To you," I said, raising my glass, looking into the eye's of the senior portrait. He smiled back at me, encouraging me. "For ruining my life. For pushing me into this. The best mother fucker out there, voted number one for life." I winked at the picture, then swallowed the vodka down. I burned slightly, giving me satisfaction. I turned to the next picture, a slight frown forming on my lips.

"To you," I said, filling the little glass with whiskey, keeping my eye's on his. He though, seemed almost worried in hie student photo, begging me not to go. Or worried about his hair. Either one. "The cover up to the true story. You almost kept me here, but you weren't enough. It's a shame you won't here the truth from my own lips." I sucked back the whiskey, my eye's watering from the intense burn. The next picture involved many people, one of them more than the others. Their smiling face's stared back at me, the school photos grouped together. I filled the shot glass with tequelia, then raised it at their faces.

"To you guys, especially you, my dear," I said, looking at all the girls faces. They smiled back at me, some looking with more care than the others. The one I was really pointing out, looked so happy. "You helped my off the cliff, gave me the push I needed. You though, my darling, really helped. A queen without her crown, that was what I became. The princess with the false throne, was what you became. Now though, the queen is dead, and you can fulfill your spot. Congrats to you and you ladies-in-waiting." I rolled my eye's at the pictures for effect, then drank the alcohol. I turned to the last picture, the two faces in the frame looked so blissful, not realizing what their honey was going to do.

"And last but not least, to you guys," I filled the last glass with champagne, this one deserving to go out in a better style than the rest. "You might think you're not to blame, but you did help by pulling away at my time of need. You left, not realizing your daughter was dying, literally. You flew away, leaving me with only one option. I hope you like it." I drank the champagne, then but the glass down on the wooden table.

I turned back to the bed, and pulled the bottle off the purple and white pattern. I took out nine, and swallowed them all with the little bottle of bath water.

Next, I tied the rope around my waist, knowing too well that it matched my outfit perfectly. To go out in style, _and_ a big bang, I could only dream.

Secondly, I took the knife and my wrists, watching the blood drip on the floor. Then, I cut the pictures at the neck of the figures, and stabbed the knife into the table.

Then, I swiped lip gloss on my lips, quickly. I pulled out three other papers, the number written on them the same as the first, I kissed all four, then laid them down next to each picture.

Finally, I picked up the gun, and pointed it at my heart. I smiled wide, and pulled the trigger. The burning felt nice, but then became almost uncomforale.

But I smiled wide anyways and watched the world go black

* * *

_What do you think? I know I didn't use any names, but I thought it would be better that way. I really hope you like it! Please read and review!_

_xoxo, BoxerGirl345_


	2. Author Note

_OMG, OMG, OMG! I _**HATE** _putting up a chapter of A/N alone, but I had too! Sorry!_

_I Need Your Help!_

_I'm not sure about the parings I should do for the people. Obviously, only for the person *cough cough* who died. The rest I can make cannon parings, or mix it up. Idk. But I was going to do a Cam-****** paring, but then I thought about a Derrick-******* paring. I'm not sure. Maybe a Josh-******* or Dempsey-*******. Grr. I don't know!!!_

_Please give me your favorite two parings for the person (as if you haven't guessed who) and I'll decide on how I want to do it._

_Thanks soo much!!!!_

_xoxo, BoxerGirl345_


	3. Worth a Thousand Words

"Hello?" William Block called, throwing the door's to the house open. No answer came. "Massie?" William called again, setting his suitcase down. Kendra Block followed after him, setting her suitcase down as well.

"William, what is it?" Kendra asked, following his gaze up the steps. The rest of the party was following them, their tan bodies shaking with laughter.

"Massie is either ignoring us, or isn't home. God, I called her twice, and sent her a text, no reply. We're going to have to set some fucking rule for this house." William said, setting a happy face on as the guest's entered the house. Kendra followed, placing her hand on William's shoulder, fighting the urge to remove it quickly.

"Well, isn't it nice to be home?" Kendra smiled, watching everyone smile back at her. As a treat for the beginning of summer, Kendra and William took everyone, including Massie's friends and their posse, out to the Caribbean for a week of fun. They would've brought Massie, but she said she was feeling sick and demanded on staying home.

"Where's Massie?" Claire asked, her lips curling in disgust. Kendra and William didn't notice. They still thought Massie was friends with these girls, and she still ruled the school. That's how much they were involved in her life. What wonderful parents.

"We think she's upstairs. Why don't we surprise her?" William suggested, everyone agreeing in a semi-polite manner. The BC rolled their eyes, following their alpha up the steps.

"Why?" Kendra asked, still walking next to William.

"It'll be her punishment. Hopefully seeing her friends will put her in a good mood, so we can at least fix the problem without screaming." William said, walking towards her door. He waited till the whole group was behind him, then opened the double doors, the scene open to every ones eyes. William gasped and Kendra fainted, falling on the floor. Everyone else was frozen in fear and shock.

Blood was spaltterd on the floor, a new wood table showing pictures of almost everyone in the group. All the picture's were cut at the neck, a small portion of blood on each. A bottle of alochol was placed by each of them, a little shot glass with each name of the person on it. In the center, a knife was stabbed into the table, blood dried onto it.

On the bed, little drops of blood danced with the pattern, deep red, purple and white. A bottle of some pills was open, a few pills escaped laying next to the blood.

Finally, in between the bed and the table, laid the body. It had rope tried around the waist, making the outfit a perfect 10. The BC couldn't help but notice that. The face had a relaxed smile on it's face, not showing the teeth with eye's closed, making it look peaceful and creepy at the same time. The heart was stained with blood, and the floor was dripped and covered with blood. It was dried into the carpet, almost resembling the shape of a heart. The gun was gripped in her hand, the pattern looking beautiful in the setting sunlight.

Massie Block had committed suicide.

Josh was the first to break the groups frozen state.

"Massie." He whispered, sending everyone into chaos. Alicia pulled the BC into an emergency meeting, snapping at Kristen who was crying slightly. Derrick looked wide eyed at the scene, struggling to even get a breath. Josh knelt on the ground, crying his eye's out. The rest of the boys just stepped back from the body, and looked on from the outside. The other parents were whipping out cell phones, dialing 911. Jay Lyons cradled Kendra's body, whispering into her ear as she regained conciseness, tear's starting to fill her eyes. William stepped into the room, looking down on Massie, then at the table. Josh was the first to touch her.

"No! Massie, why?" He said, hugging her body to his, trying to put life back into it. The closed smile remained on her face, her body limply moving with Josh's.

"Josh," William said, pulling him away from his daughter. He put her back, then checked her pulse, trying to see if she might still be there. Tear's finally stung his eyes.

"She's gone." He said, looking at Kendra with a lost expression. She looked back, then ran into her husbands arms, leaving Jay empty handed. He walked back over to his wife, who was chatting with the assistant about some of the details.

"Well, I don't know how it happened. Everyone who might've helped or seen her was in the Caribbean... Yes... Ummhmmm.... Okay.... No, I don't think so..." Judi Lyons said into her phone, turning away from her husband. She walked away a little, straining to hear over the loud conversations. She didn't know how people could talk at a time like this. She finished talking with the assistant, the pulled Claire out of the small circle she and the girls had formed, talking about some clothing ideas.

"Claire Stacy Lyons, how can you talk about _clothes_ at a time like this!?" Judi hissed at her daughter, watching the eye roll in disbelief.

"Mom, you know she was a total bitch to the rest of us. We don't really care." Claire said, looking at her manicured finger nails. She rolled her eyes again when Judi pointed out Kristen who was silently sobbing.

"Claire, you aren't allowed to hang out with these girls for a month. And I'm taking away your phone, laptop, iPod, everything." Judi said, pulling Claire away from all the girls.

"What? Mom that's _so _uhn-fair!" Claire said, yanking her arm back and stomping her foot.

"No, it's not. You want to know what's really unfair? The fact that I lost my daughter to some stuck-up bitches, who made her one of them." Judi said with real anger, forgetting about Massie altogether. Claire froze mid-tantrum, reacting to her mother's words. Judi took a deep breath, then walked back to Massie's room, going to inform William and Kendra on what was going on.

* * *

Two hours, three major breakdowns, and thousands of 'Why?'s later, the group sat in the kitchen, police sweeping the place. They'd already asked Kendra and William so many question's like, "Do you know anyone that mightv'e caused her harm?" and "Do you know why she might have done this?", but Mr. and Mrs. Block just shook their head's no.

"I'm sorry to interupt," A lanky police man said, holding some papers in his hand, "But these were on the table, and their adressed to people here, I'm assuming. Should I..."

"I'll take them," Kendra blurted quietly, taking the paper's from his warm hands. She flipped through the papers, then fought back a strangled sob.

"These are for to us. Some for each of us alone, while this one," Kendra pointed to the one that wasn't in an envelope, Massie's swirly cursive addressing who they were for, "Is for all of us."

"I'll read it," William said, taking the paper's out of Kendra's hand and held her close as she broke down again. Everyone else leaned forward, especially Alicia, who licked her lips, dying for new gossip.

_"Hello everybody,"_ William started, reading the word's right off of the paper, _"I should assume that you got this after you came home from you fantastic get-away, about one hour after my death. No, I'm not going to beat around the bush._

_"Yes, I, Massie Jillian Block, am dead,_

_"Feel's weird to read those word's doesn't it dad? Oh, and I know you're reading it. I just know things. Think it feels weird to read them? Think about how it felt to write them. Although, I guess I won't feel anything anymore anyways._

_"You're probably wondering why. Well, not probably, you're defiantly wondering why. See, to (almost) everyone, I was puher-fect, but inside, I was cold. Something froze over my heart, it froze over my lungs, my brain, and my throat. I couldn't go on. You see Mom and Dad, to you, nothing was wrong. I was still the amazing, perfect little girl you raised. But that wasn't really what was happening._

_"About a year ago, Alicia decided to throw me over (again), but she had something I didn't. She had everyone behind her, cowering in fear that she might take them down too. I tried to win everyone back, but they all believed I was a stuck up bitch, who didn't want them, just the title. But didn't they notice that I was nicer, that I gave them more room? No, they didn't, because they took advantage over it._

_"So there 'BC' or whatever you call yourselves nowadays. Doesn't matter to me anymore does it? Well, after Alicia took the love of my life, Derrick Harrington, I was so heartbroken. I just couldn't go on. You see Derrick, I loved you. I really really did. I wanted to marry you and be with you forever. But then you left me, believing that I was a bitch, and my title was gone. "Why?" was all I wanted to know. I thought you loved me back. But I guess bigger boob's and plastic surgery won you over. So I settled for second best._

_"Now Josh, don't go thinking I didn't have feelings for you. I did, believe me, I did. But Derrick was my first and only love. You helped numb the pain, but never actually took it away. I'm sorry, because I'm certain you felt more towards me than I to you. But now that I'm gone, go find a wonderful woman who'll actually and fully love you back. And don't take any of the BC girls back, because they'll only ruin your life. Trust me._

_"Now, to the BC, minus Alicia. You girls were always much better friends to me, and I cried so many night's after the loss of you. Kristen, you were the only one who still kinda talked to me, only not when Alicia was around. Claire, you became a **total **bitch. You were so nice before, but then you became so slutty and mean. No wonder Cam always leaves you. And Dylan, you understood me the most. You didn't want to leave me, but then Alicia convinced you to. I'm sorry she got into your mind. I'm going to miss all of you, Dylan and Kristen the most. Sorry Claire._

_"I'm assuming you also found the notes. Please give it to the person it was addressed to, and don't share the information with people other than yourselves. Please. I'll miss most of you. But oh well. What's done is done._

_"Goodbye forever._

_"Massie."_

William finished the note in tears. Kendra became limp and used the table for support, not trusting her own legs. Derrick was looking into space wide eyed, his mouth open. Alicia had a surprised smirk on her face, stuck between shock of Massie's words and wanting to laugh at her pathetic accuses. Kristen and Dylan were hugging each other, both in tear's wondering why they'd fallen for Alicia's lies. Claire was pressed against the back of her chair, looking much like Derrick, only with tears. And Josh was crying hard over Massie's words, trying to accept the truth.

"Well," William said, wiping his tears and pulling the paper's into piles, "Here are the papers. You guys can sort through them." He helped Kendra to her feet, grabbed their papers, then walked out of the room together. Josh stood up and looked over the piles, took his paper, then walked into the backyard, hunched over in tears. Derrick watched him walk over to an apple tree, then found his papers and walked upstairs into one of the guest bedrooms.

Alicia, recovering from her state and returning to alpha mode, snapped her fingers, grabbed her papers, then sauntered off to the living room. Claire immediately followed, Dylan and Kristen following a minute after.

Everyone else looked at the remaining envelope in shock. Massie hadn't mentioned another person in her overall letter.

"I guess I'll see who it is." Cam said, getting up and glancing the paper over. His eye's widened as he read his own name off the paper. He took it off the counter, then walked out into the spa, almost like a zombie. The remaining people sat back in their chairs, going over Massie's words, almost thankful enough to break into a touchdown dance they weren't involved. If there hadn't been a tragic death, they might have.

* * *

"Guys, seriously, get it under control." Alicia snapped at the girls, ripping open the envelope.

"Shut the fuck up!" Dylan whispered to her, holding Kristen tighter. Alicia was about to say something back when Claire interrupted:

"Just read the note." She said softly, motioning to the lined paper Alicia was holding.

"Ugh, fine," Alicia rolled her eyes, then opened the note.

_"Hello Ew-licia. Yes, make fun of me for calling you that. I don't have feeling's anymore. So laugh at me all you want. I hope you get satisfaction from it._

_"I really wanted to only write one letter, addressing all of you, but I found it easier to write a shorter letter to individuals. Taped to the back of this, you'll find three letters: one to Alicia, one to Kristen and Dylan (xoxo), and one to Claire._

_"Now, Alicia, I want you to just give the note's to the right girl, then read yours and **NOT**hound for information. Puh-lease. If you don't, may you burn in hell :)_

_"Massie."_

Alicia choked back the fear of being called out, then followed Massie's orders. She took her own, then gave Kristen and Dylan theirs, and Claire hers. Alicia then turned her back to the girls and took four steps away from them, her eyes glued to the paper.

_"Alicia, dear. Did you really think you could take the real alpha from her throne? Ha._

_"Yes, you managed to scare the entire school, take my alpha boyfriend, and rule the school. But didn't you see how well you 'ruled' it, or were you blind to all the hate? And believe me I'm not lying._

_"Your 'best friends' all use you for the title. You boyfriend merely stays with you because it's in the alpha rule book for alpha's to date. The 'friends' you made outside the group just follow you for information to pass on to other students. And all your loyal follower's just make up rumors about you and try to get into your pants. Many of them succeed._

_"Now, here's what I suggest. You either (and probably will) go around and destory all the students until you are the only one standing. But that doesn't mean they won't rise up again. Or, you could step down and become beta, or just disappear and become 'that girl who had her chance'. Option B is the best one._

_"But who am I to tell you what to choose? Oh, now I remember! I was the former alpha who you got all your advice from, who you took notes from, ready to pounce at any moment's notice, who you destroyed, and who you plan on forgetting. But remember little beta, you can always see me in heaven, or burn in hell._

_"You chose._

_"Massie."_

Alicia read the note three time, wishing Massie could just tell her what to do and she could follow, just like the old days. But Massie wasn't here anymore, and Alicia dug herself into this. She was going to find a way out.

* * *

Kristen took the paper, and started to read Massie's words.

_"Hi girlies! You might be like, "Why is she being nice to us?" but I was never that mad at you. You guys merely followed whoever was in charge, and I won't blame you for that. I love you guys to much to do that, even when I'm gone._

_Now, I don't want you two blaming yourselves for my death. You can blame Alicia for that. Then blame me. But really, I only have one dying wish I want you two to listen to:_

_"Be your own person._

_"Really, aren't we getting to old to follow an 'alpha' nowadays? And it felt good to be able to make my own choices without worrying about how it would affect others. I want you two to experience that._

_"Now, ditch Alicia. She's bad news. Really, say 'good-bye' and **never** look back. But you two need to stay together. You guys are best friends, ad you need to stay that way! So leave the others, and just walk your own ways._

_"Kristen: I want you be valedictorian. I want you to go to some stuck up, smart-ass college. Have fun dating nerds and wearing glasses that are to big. Never listen to any ones rules but your own. Flunk that stupid language final, and ace the impossible trig test. Drink as many RedBulls as you need to to cram for the poly-sci mid term. And meet some guy that is a hunk of delicious, marry him, and have beautiful babies. Please. I want you to grow old with your man, and complain about how loud the flying cars are, and throw out your back. Have fun, and don't go the way I did._

_"Dylan: I want you finish in the middle of our class. Cheer on Kristen as she grabs her ticket to Harvard and you run off to Elizabeth Town or something like that. Ditch it in you first two years and take over your mom's show, or start your own. Move into a mansion bigger than three of mine combined. Fall in love with a celebrity, have your heart broken, then say yes to his proposal. Have one kid and keep your fantastic figure. Grow old with your man and dye your hair red again and again. Rejoin Kristen at the old people's home and talk about fiber. Please. Live your life and don't leave the way I left. It's not your road to travel on._

_"I love you both. Carry me in your hearts forever._

_"Hugs and thousands of kisses,_

_"Massie."_

Kristen laughed, the tears rolling down her cheeks. Dylan laughed too, hugging Kristen close.

"We'll never forget you Mass." She said, looking at the ceiling. Kristen nodded, and whispered a smart joke to Massie, make her and Dylan laugh.

* * *

Claire tore into her letter, hoping it wasn't a bad one. By the first to words, she could tell it was going to be a bumpy ride.

_"You bitch._

_"Not to start to heavy, but I had to. You were once the Ked-loving, down-to-earth Florida girl everyone loved. Your sweet personality kept eveyone in a light, upbeat mood. But then you changed._

_"God Claire! I want to be able to say nice things to you, but I can't! I'm dying (hehe, I'm always making jokes) to say something nice to you, but you make it impossible. You were my best friend, then you left as soon as everyone else did, following the crowd because it was the '_right' _and _'cool' _thing to do._

_"And the worst part? You didn't even know! God, you became Alicia little beta, following her everywhere, dying to please. You didn't realize how many girls you made cry, how many sperm cell's died because of your foot, and how many time you broke Cam's poor heart. I tried to tell you, to make you stop, but all I ever got was a door slammed in my face, and a laugh. I eventually stopped. Did you notice? Or did you blindly let that pass by to? You laughed at other people's pain, and made a sick, twisted version of joy for yourself. You became a knock of f of Alicia._

_"I guess I shouldn't hold grudges though. *Sigh*. So, because I'm going to be the bigger person, I'm going to tell you what to do. And you better listen._

_"Leave Alicia. Quit cold turkey, say good-bye, just LEAVE! Make new friends. Or at least try. Go back to Lanye or something. Apologize to everyone you hurt. Tell poor Cammie you'll never hurt him again. And if you do hurt him again, never go back to him. He doesn't deserve this. In fact, if you no longer feel anything, or at least very little towards him, leave him. I'm serious._

_"Go back to your Ked's 'I'm so sweet' days. Never leave them. Be nice to everyone. Go to college, get married, live 'happily ever after'. Because if you don't stop now, you never will. _

_"And you'll never feel love again._

_"Sounds like something out of a terrible romantic novel doesn't it? Well, listen to it. Live by these words for the rest of your life._

_"Good-bye. Never forget me, and I love you. As unlikely as it might seem, I love you._

_"Massie."_

Claire sobbed hard, holding the paper close to her heart.

"Never Massie. Never again." She said, making a plan to stop following her old ways. She looked at the other girls reactions, then left, leaving her past behind her.

* * *

Josh banged his head against the apple tree again, watching the glass door slide shut behind Cam. He looked at the perfect white envelope in his hands, Massie's perfect cursive in the center of it. He sighed shakily, then ripped open the top, releasing the letter from it's cage. He took a deep breath, then read the words.

_"**I'm sorry.**I know I could write that over and over, but I really mean it more than you could ever imagine. I really, truly am sorry Joshua Johnathon Hotz._

_"It seems so unfair for me to use you like this. It is. But you'll never understand until I tell you the story. So I will._

_"The day Derrick dumped me for Alicia, I was heart broken, more than any person should ever be. I wanted to curl up and die, right there and then. But Josh, you saved me for the time being. You helped me find love again, or at least a small, small version of it. If I could go back and change it, I would, but not like how you think. _

_"I would tell you the truth, so you could love me to a limit. But Josh, we can't. What's done is done. I think the reason you fell so far and hard was because you loved Alicia that much. You were blind to your true instincts, and fell for the next person you saw, which was me. I do regret not telling you sooner. It wouldn't have made this any easier, but you would at least know. _

_"Josh: I want you to forget about me, to an extent. Forget about Alicia. Forget about any girl from BOCDHS. They're nothing but trouble. Go to an amzaing college, and meet an amazing girl. Fall for her, because I know she'll fall for you. Love her with all your heart, and marry her. Grow old with her and never leave her side. _

_"I can't wait to see you and her in heaven. I'm going to be so proud. And don't ever worry about anything other than what's going on for you._

_"Please._

_"I'm going to miss you. I'm so sorry._

_"With love,_

_"Massie."_

Josh let the tear's stream down his cheeks as he looked at the night sky. Massie was in one of those stars. He knew it.

"I promise Mass." He whispered, folding his head down into his hands, sobbing hard.

* * *

Derrick watched Josh read his letter, then cry for a long time. He must've sat in that room for half an hour, watching Josh. He was too scared to open his letter and read Massie's words. He was afraid of what she might say to him. He took a deep breath, then told himself to be a man and opened the letter. He read it, fighting the urge to look away.

_"Derrick Derrick Derrick. My oh my. Will I ever stop swooning at your name? Well, I guess I will, 'cause I won't feel anything soon. Well, I've been wanting to tell you this for a long time._

_"Derrick Anthony Harrington, I love you._

_"No, not only do I love you, I'm _in _love with you. God, how did you not see it?_

_"The way I looked at you when I walked by wasn't enough. The way I doodled heart's all over my papers in English wasn't enough? The way I always managed to get our shoes to touch just enough so you wouldn't notice wasn't enough? Derrick, you were blind! I wanted to shout your name across roof tops, to give you my heart at any cost, to make you see if it meant I no longer could! *Sigh* I feel my heart melting just talking about you._

_"How could you not see?!?!?!?!?!?!?!_

_"Ugh, I guess there's no use dwelling over the past, because I won't have to worry about the future. Derrick, I have one, and only one request for you._

_"Please, never forget me. Even if you have Alzheimer's when you become an old man, please let me be the last thing you remember. Even if you marry a beautiful woman (please don't let it be Alicia) and have kids with stellar looks, don't forget me. Oh, and if you haven't noticed, ditch Alicia and the BC. Their no good. And Derrick:_

_"Dump Alicia. Forget about all the girls from BOCD High (but look at Kristen. Besides myself, I think she's your best choice.) Go to college and sleep your way through the soroity row. Even from the college's you don't go to ;) Meet a beautiful woman (this hurt's to write) and fall in love with her (my heart is aching). Have those kids with stellar looks (ow). Grow old with you wife (pain) and die at the age of 134. _

_"I know I probably didn't make those last few lines easy for you, but I wanted you to know how I really feel. I hurts to even see you glance at and ugly fat chick, and think that you might pick anyone besides me._

_"I know, your don't like to hear all of this from me, but it's the truth, and you deserve to know._

_"I'll love you forever._

_"Massie."_

Derrick looked at the paper, shocked into disbelief.

"Not see? Massie how could _you_ not see!" Derrick said, throwing down the paper, then picking it up again to hold close to his heart. "Massie, I love you too! I'm in love with you! God, why didn't I..." Derrick trailed off, letting the tears finally slip over his cheeks.

He was headed in a downward spiral, heart first.

* * *

William helped his wife onto their bed, then crawled after her. He wiped the tears from his eye's, then opened the note and read them aloud.

_"Hi Mom and Dad. Or I guess bye. Either one. Although bye is probably the better answer. You're probably like, "Why would are darling little angel do this to us?" _

_"HAHAHA!_

_"To _you?_ Think about me for a change. The way you two 'snuck' behind each other's back, sleeping with everyone insight. Disgusting. How can I even bare to call you Mom and Dad anymore? I don't know. _

_"Just accept the fact that you little world isn't perfect, and things are **really **different from how you view it. I know that I'm not making it easy but don't be mad. Not at me, not at Josh or Derrick or Kristen or Dylan. Maybe at Alicia. And just a tiny bit at Claire. But not at the rest of them. They didn't know, and they didn't plan this. It just happens._

_"So you'll find my will in the envelope too. Listen to that and follow it please. I hope you'll respect my choices. And it may not seem like it, but I do love you._

_"So good bye with love,_

_"Massie."_

William finished the note, then flipped it around. Nothing on the back. He wished she'd written more to them, explaining everything. Kendra sobbed next to him, shaking as if she were in the North Pole in nothing but a Juicy string bikini. William fished out the will, and read that over aloud as well.

_"I want my clothes to go to Goodwill. And some to that Haiti place. I want the money that **I** earned to go to the Cancer thingies. I want my car to go to Kristen, and my jewerly to go to Dylan. I want that one gold chain with the heart on it to go to Derrick though. And I want all the letters and poems to go to Derrick too. And that picture of Josh and I hugging, I want that to go to him, along with that gold pen that has my first name, but Josh's last name ('Massie Hotz'). I also was to either be burned, then have my ashes spread around the old oak at BOCD, or be burried under it. I'd rather be burned though. And that silver necklace that I'm wearing, I want that to go to Derrick. And, to be fair, I want my photo books to go to Claire, and my limited addition Ralph Lauren purse to go to Alicia. The rest you can have or give away or something._

_"Xoxo, Massie."_

William nodded at Massie's will as Kendra gained control of herself.

"William?" She asked, touching his shoulder. He turned to look at her.

"I either want to fix this or get a divorice. For Massie."

* * *

Cam paced around the spa, wondering why Massie wrote a note to him. He glanced at the white envelope, then pounced on it, ripping open the top and reading it before he went brain dead.

_"Oh Cammie. I bet you a million dollars that you are asking me why. And I'll tell you why._

_"Because of Claire._

_"That girl changed. She went from sweet to bitchy. Don't deny it. Or I'll haunt you forever. I swear. Imma tell you what to do._

_"Give her one more chance. See if she'll change back, and see if you can save your love. If not, then leave her for good, and find a new girl. But wait until college. You've known many of these girls for a long time, and their not worth it. Or, maybe go back to Nikki. She might still be interested... Or just wait 'till college. ;)_

_"That's all I really had to tell you. Don't freak out now!_

_"Love you, and you'll always be my best man,_

_"Massie."_

Cam smiled at the paper, but his eyebrows were knit in confusion. He shrugged his shoulders and decided to follow Massie's advice. She usually knew what to do.

* * *

**Wow of wowwie! I wrote AH-LOT! But it was totally worth it, don't you think? Do you like it????? I hope you do. I wanted to make this a Massington story, so I did. But I didn't leave you with much of a cliffhanger.... Or did I?**

**Haha.... I'm gooooood :)**

**So, review it!**

**xoxo, BoxerGirl345**


	4. All Comes Crashing Down

_A/N: Thanks so much for (like 1) more reviews! *hehe*. Also, a special thanks to _**nevereverforever**_. You made me laugh, and helped me get another idea for the story!_

_Thanks a bunch of roses!_

* * *

Claire watched the progress the police men made moving Massie's body into the ambulence. She didn't know how these things went, but she knew that Massie would be back to be buried. Tears wrenched her eye's, but Claire wouldn't let them loose. She'd cried enough.

_Gawd, what the hell! You can _never_ cry to much, not at a time like this! You are a true bitch._

Claire nodded at her thoughts, a tidal wave of tears hitting her. She sobbed. She cried a sorry to Massie, a sorry to her family, and a sorry to herself.

Claire knew what she had to do to fix this.

* * *

Derrick walked along the empty halls of the Block estate, hearing cries where ever he went. He walked up to Kendra and William's bedroom, and knocked on the double doors.

"Mr. and Mrs. Block? Thank you for your hospitality, but I must go home." Derrick said through the door. He didn't wait for a reply as he turned on his heels and headed for the front door.

"Derrick? Where are you going?" Derrick froze at the familiar voice, and tensed up.

"Home." He replied icly, not turning around to see the face.

"Would you mind driving me home?" Alicia asked, wrapping her arms around Derrick's waist and kissing his neck.

"Aren't your parents here?" He asked, taking a step away from her. She just followed and hugged him closer.

"Yes, but I'd rather ride with you." She giggled.

"No." He said, pulling away from her and spinning around to look into her eyes.

"Why not? Please Derrykins?" Alicia begged, putting her arms around his neck. She pulled her body close to his, making sure her boobs were mashed up real close to his chest.

"No." Derrick clenched his teeth, and angrily pulled her arms down from his neck, not bother to be careful. His grip tighted on her upper arm, cause Alicia to yelp in pain.

"Ow! Derrick, I thought you loved me!" Alicia shouted at him, managing to not cause a scene. That was not what this house needed today.

"No. I never loved you, and I never will. So leave me alone!" Derrick said through his teeth, letting go of Alicia's arm and storming out the door. Alicia felt the tears sting her eye's but didn't let them escape. Her little act had worked out perfectly. She nodded as she rubbed her red arm and checked that of her list.

Because to be honest, she could've said the same thing to him.

* * *

Cam left the spa twenty minutes later, spending as much time away from the main house as he could stand. But he felt like he needed to be there. As he walked away from the spa, he noticed Josh still sitting in the summer night.

"Josh?" He whispered, walked closer to the figure.

"Hey." Josh whispered back, staring up at the stars through the leaves. Cam sat next to him, looking at the night sky silently.

"She didn't love me." Josh said, breaking the quiet air.

"Oh." Cam replied, looking at Josh's face. He looked emotionless, almost calm. It was heart wrencthing to watch.

"Well, at least not as much as she loved Derrick." Josh said, pulling out a few strands of grass.

"Oh." Cam said again. He thought this over while Josh pulled out the earth. "Well, did you ever, truly love her? Or was it an infatuation? Like, you weren't over Alicia, so Massie filled the spot." Cam trailed off after mentioning Massie's name. Josh looked at him, in a creepy, thoughtful way. Cam wanted to get up and run, but he knew he had to be here for his friend now when he never had been.

"I thought about that. And so did... Massie. That's what she thought it was for me. Like, Massie was just my filler for Alicia. And that's what it was for her, with Derrick. And maybe it was, just us filling in for the people we really loved. But, still, all that time I spent with her, head over heels..." Josh sighed, looking at the sky again. The stars twinkled down at him. He fought back a sob, and looked into Cam's eyes making up his mind.

"But I'm going to move on. Massie said to do it. And she said she wanted me to. So I will." Josh declared, standing up and pulling Cam with him. He slapped his old friend on the shoulder, then walked into the main house, leaving Cam speachless.

* * *

"Come on. Let's go home." Kristen said, pulling Dylan out the door. They'd finished watching the police men take Massie away, and they were ready to go.

"Okay." Dylan said pulling out her car keys, holding Kristen's hands as they walked slowly through the humid air.

"Kris, Dyl, wait up!" Claire called out, running toward the girls. They stopped and turned around, both holding annoyed looks apon their faces.

"Yeah?" Dylan asked, arching an eyebrow. She knew she shouldn't be mad at Claire at this time, but she couldn't help it. This girl helped her best friends death.

"I just wanted to say I'm... I'm sorry. For everything. For Massie, for you guys, for everything." Claire said, holding her breath.

"We're sorry to Claire. But that doesn't change things. We can't fully forgive you now. Just give us some time and space, 'kay?" Kristen said, taking over before Dylan could get a breath. She didn't have to be her best friend to imagine what that red head might've said to Claire.

"Yeah. I really am sorry. Thanks." Claire said, walking backwards, then turning around and walking to the guest house.

"I wounder what that was all about." Dylan said, watching Clarie with spectical eye's.

"Massie." Kristen explained, managing Massie's name without crying. Dylan nodded in agreement, then hugged Kristen close as they made their way to the car.

* * *

William shut the door behind him, making sure no one was outside their door, or even their hallway.

"So let's talk this over," He said, turning to Kendra, "You either want to fix this and live happily as husband and wife, never ever cheating on each other, or get a divorce because we can't?" Kendra nodded, blowing her nose in her Klenex.

"What do you want?" William asked.

"Well, I've put a lot of thought into it. I want to be together for Massie, and becuase I still love you, but I don't know." Kendra trailed off.

"Well if you love me and I love you, why can't we stay together?" William asked.

"Becuase sometimes love isn't enough." Kendra said, looking iout the window at the early dawn.

"Yes it is! If we love each other, we can make this work!" William said, feeling guilty at his own words. He knew he probably wouldn't be able to make it work, no matter how hard he tried.

"William, do you love me, or are you in love with me?" Kendra asked, looking deeply into William's eyes, waiting for him to answer.

* * *

_UGHHHH!!! I am not happy with this chapter. Well, like, I am, but not fully satisfied. It was running really smoothly, then I hit a writers block, and I could NOT get around it. GRRRRR._

_Oh wellll. Give me your thought's for this chapter, and I'll see what I can do for the next one, although I do have ideas._

_With love, tulips and sunshine,_

_xoxo, join. me. in. the. thunder_


	5. Who I Am Inside

Who I Am Inside

Dylan sat up and yawned, finally waking from her restless night. She stretched out on her king-sized Temperpedic bed, reaching for her Verizon Droid at the same time. She looked down at the phone, waiting for a message from Massie to pop up. She wanted Massie to tell her it was all just a joke, to say that she was actually healthy and fine, still alive. She wanted Massie to say, 'Hey, let's have a sleepover and reconnect and laugh and be best friends!'

But Dylan knew better. She knew that Massie wasn't healthy and fine. She knew Massie wasn't going to call her and tell her to reconnect. She knew Massie wasn't alive.

Dylan flopped back on the bed, feeling sore from the crying. Her eye's felt dry, and her lungs ached. Dylan waited for a minute, then got out of her bed, sliding on her slippers as she walked into the kitchen.

"Hey Mom," Dylan rasped, her throat feeling like sandpaper.

"Oh sweetie." Merri-Lee Marvel said, pulling her only daughter into a hug. Dylan curled into her mother's size two figure, waiting for the tear's to stream out of her eye's. But she was out of tears, and knew they wouldn't come. Just like Massie.

"Here, let me get you a glass of water. And here's some toast. Only one piece though. Don't want to start you off to heavy." Merri-Lee said, filling a giant glass to the brim with water. She set the plate of toast and the glass of water in front of Dylan. Dylan gulped down the water first, then took a slow bite into her toast.

"Thanks Mom." She said, nibbilng on the end. "Is Kristen up yet?"

"No, not yet. I hope she's okay. This really can't be easy for her, after everything that's happened." Merri-Lee said, the corners of her mouth turning down. Dylan nodded, understanding her mom.

"I'm gonna go check on her." Dylan croaked, pushing the other half of the bread away. Merri-Lee knew that Dylan should eat more, but nodded anyways, putting the plate into the sink. Dylan walked along tiled floor, reaching Kristen's door on the left. She quietly pushed the door open, stepping in silently. She saw Kristen, still buried under her covers, mumbling in her sleep. Dylan sighed, the sat next to Kristen's bed, looking at the girls sweet face. Kristen sighed in her sleep, then flipped around restlessly. Dylan knew the feeling.

Dylan waited for hours, the sun peeking through the shades, waiting for Kristen to awake. Finally, just as Dylan was about to grab something light and easy to digest to eat, Kristen's eyelids fluttered opened.

"Hey." Dylan whispered, jumping out of her lounge chair, and closer to Kristen.

"Hey." She whispered back roughly, looking up at Dylan.

"Are you okay?" Dylan asked nervously, taking Kristen's hand in hers.

"As okay as you are, probably. Maybe a touch worse." Kristen smiled weekly, smoothing her hair. Dylan laughed without humor.

"So..."

"What do you want to do?" Kristen asked, sitting up. She yawned for a quick second then looked at Dylan with dead eyes. Dylan shivered, trying to find a little life left in Kristen. She did manage to see a little, but it was a quick flash.

"Uhm, let's go eat." Dylan suggested. She noticed Kristen gulp at the thought of consuming food, but Dylan led her to the kitchen.

"Oh, Kristen." Merri-Lee said, taking her half daughter into a hug. Kristen hugged her back lightly, a few tears escaping. Merri-Lee rocked her back and forth, whispering something into her ear, to low for Dylan to hear. Dylan walked over to the fridge, noticing the sun set behind the horizon. Dylan grabbed a yogurt for her and Kristen, along with a packet of Saltines. Kristen pulled away from Merri-Lee, sitting next to Dylan. She pulled out a Saltine, an nibbled on the edges.

"So, what are you girl's going to do today - or, I guess tonight. You slept the whole day away!" Merri-Lee giggled.

"I dunno. Probably just hang out." Dylan answered. Kristen nodded, pulling another cracker out of the packet.

"Okay. Well, you girls be good." Merri-Lee said, exiting the kitchen. Dylan nodded a second to late, then turned to Kristen. Kristen patted Dylan's shoulder, then turned to look out the window, words escaping her.

* * *

Derrick stared at the ceiling, waiting for the news. For his mom to bust into his room and tell him that Massie was alive, and she was at their doorstep begging for him to take her back. And he knew he would. He would jump down all the steps and look into two pools of firey amber, and ask her if she meant it. She would say yes, and he would kiss her with enough passion to start another sun. They would then run off to Vegas and marry, have kids and grow old, then die side by side, happy as can be.

Derrick waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

But no news ever came.

Tears stung his eyes, and Derrick let them fall. He closed his eyes, seeing Massie's perfect face behind his eyelids. He sobbed, clutching where his heart use to be. But Massie had took it with her. He felt his phone vibrate on his pillow, but didn't make an effort to get it. He just kept crying, wishing Massie was alive.

* * *

Alicia stepped out of the shower, feeling fresh. She dried herself off with a towel, then slipped into her favorite pair of sweatpants. She put on her favorite baggy sweatshirt, and sat in her reading corner. Only she wasn't going to read.

Alicia tapped her cucumber mask, making sure it was drying as she opened the note from Massie again. She reread the letter, stopping over a few lines.

_'Use you for your title... it's in the alpha rule book... follow you for information... make up rumors... get into your pants.'_Alicia sighed, trying not to let her tears escape. She took a deep, shaky breath. She took out her MacBook Air, clicking on the Internet tab. She quickly ignored her Facebook home page, switching to Google.

_How do you stop a friendship? _Alicia typed, regretting every word. She wished she could go back to before Massie was dead, to when she was blind to every detail of what everyone else thought of her. To when she was able to smirk at Massie, and feel no guilt. But, like old times, Massie came in a ruined everything, leaving Alicia to pick up the broken piece, hoping they wouldn't cut her this time.

* * *

Claire looked at her face in the mirror, not liking what she saw. It wasn't the Claire she was use to. It wasn't the Claire anyone was use to. It was a mean, twisted girl, with harsh eyes, lined heavily with smeared make up, a tense jaw, and clear skin, helped with expensive face wash she would have never had if it hadn't been for the BC. Her eyebrows were perfectly plucked, something she swore she would never have done, and her hair fell into perfect place, looking like she never washed it, or slept on it. Her nail were manicured to perfection, the white crisp and clear, never breaking.

She knew none of this was bad, or so it seemed, but she also knew that this wasn't Claire. At least not Claire Lyons. She had it all; good 'friends', the perfect spot in the popular crowd, an ah-mazing boyfriend, who she cheated on all the time, the looks, the style, everything.

But Claire was willing to trade it all back for who she once was.

She rose a shaky hand, touching the small make up mirror that was surrounded by lights. It was bright enough to show every imperfection, but Claire couldn't find one. Her hand ran across the outside of her reflection, leaving one small streak on the spotless glass. Claire looked at it with sudden anger now, picking it up off her desk and smashing it onto her hardwood flooring, watching the pieces shatter. Claire watched them dance across her floor, until they finally settled. Claire watched the setting sun shine over the pieces, then stood up to get a broom and dust pan.

She sighed, then got down on her knee's, sweeping the bigger pieces into the dustpan. She reached to pick up a small piece, but cut her index finger on accident.

"Shit." She muttered, watching a small drop of blood form from the tiny hole. Claire looked at it a second longer, feeling a slight relief from the tiny amount of pain it caused. Before Claire could realize what she was doing, a sharp piece of glass was in her hand, pressing at her fore arm.

Claire watched wide eyed as it slid easily across her skin, making a line as big as a three quaters long. A small line of blood trickled from the gap in her skin. Claire went to the bathroom, getting a paper towel to clean up the mess, along with a large band-aid, fighting a happy sigh.

But Claire wasn't in her body anymore. She was up on the ceiling, watching the scene below, getting a good rushing high from the pain.

* * *

Cam looked up at the moon over his head, unable to sleep. His eyes felt heavy from missing two days straight of sleep, the purple lines drawing marks under his eyes like a marker on paper. But still, he would not sleep. Not after what happend.

Cam kept imagining Massie's perfect body, read with blood, the creepy smile on her face while Josh cried over her body. He felt the note in his pocket, Massie's perfect hand cursive making it's marks on the lined paper, just as she had with their lives. He knew what she said was true, thinking of how Claire snuck around, 'behind his back', bitched to him, and bitched about him to others. Cam knew he and Claire could never be.

But something stopped him.

Cam _knew_ that he didn't want to be with Claire, and couldn't, but he also couldn't break up with her. Something just stopped him. Maybe it was becuase he didn't want to be alone. Maybe it was because Massie's words punched the realization out. Maybe it was becuase Claire had been in his life forever. Maybe it was becuase something about her connected him to something else he needed.

Cam shot up off of his desk chair, the second realization hitting him harder than Massie's had. Cam reached for his phone, then hit speed dial five. the phone rang seven painful times before he heard her voice on the other end.

"Hello?"

* * *

William stared up at his white ceiling while his wife slept soundly next to him. Her even breathing didn't calm him down, not because he knew they weren't together anymore, but because they weren't _together_ anymore.

Soon, there would be no one to come home to, no one to kiss at the end of the day, no one to say 'I love you', and actually mean it. Sure, he'd cheated on her, but that was becuase Kendra didn't quite meet his needs in bed. William turned to his wife, and looked at her thin back. He knew that it would take a lot to convice her to stay with him, since she didn't believe he still loved her. William thought Kendra was only doing this because it seemed like that was what Massie thought of them, but he wasn't sure.

All he knew was that he had to let her know his true feelings before next Wednesday.

* * *

_Tra-la-la-la-la... Oh hey!_

_Don't think I forgot about this story silly! I never could! I just had a MAJOR writers block for some reason. Grr... It's really pissing me off... Just sayin'_

_So what do you think? I know it was a bit confusing and short, but I was like, "This is the best I can do, and it kinda set's up whatever happens next, soo... yeah."_

_**Cutting yourself is not a good thing to do. If you need help, please talk to someone, or call the HELP hotline (Sorry, but I don't know the number)**_

_Kinda needed to include that becuase of Claire... Yeah. They need to make a sheepish-looking smiley face. :)_

_GASP! Drama!_

_Hehe, I hate drama, but in the stories I write, it's just kinda a little perfect. ;)_

_Oh, and the title is from the song in Mulan that goes, "When will me reflection show, who I am, inside?"_

_I was gonna do the whole thing, but it felt to long. And I felt the need to tell you that. Just so you would know. :)_

_So, now you review my story, and PLEASE do it. Or I'll find you._

_;)_

_xoxo, join. me. in. the. thunder_


	6. Where We Want to Be

Where We Want To Be

"Claire! Come on, it's time for school!" Judi shouted up to Claire, tapping her long fingernails against the wood hand rail. Claire ran down the steps, almost running into her mother.

"Sorry," Claire said, her cheeks flushed as she slung her backpack over her shoulder.

"Claire, It's almost seventy degrees out. Go grab a short sleeve shirt. Quickly." Judi said, watching Claire tug on the ends of her Ralph Lauren sweater.

"Nah, we don't have enough time. I'll be fine." Claire said, walking briskly past her mom, throwing open the front door and marching out into the grass.

"Have a good day!" Judi called, watching with narrowed eyes as Claire slid into the Rivera's Hummer. She then turned and went back to scrubbing the dishes, muttering about a better punishment.

"Hey." Claire said, quietly, looking out the window as Alicia grinned slightly back at her. "Where's Dyl and Kris?"

"They're taking their own car. Sleeping in, aparently." Claire could hear the doubt in Alicia's voice, knowing that Alicia didn't agree with this plan. Claire fiddled with her sliver Tiffany necklace, feeling the letter's B and C againt's her fingertips. They were cool agaist her skin, giving her a slight chill.

"Why are you wearing long sleeves? I thought we agreed on short to quarter length sleeves." Alicia barked, pulling on Claire's sweater. Claire whipped her hand back suddenly, pulling the sweater past her palms.

"I was cold." Claire said, although she could feel the sweat trickling down her neck from the spring air and light sweater. Alicia raised her eyebrow, clearly not believing her beta. But she turned to the window instead of picking a fight. The victory would be to easy to get.

"So, uhm, what are we gonna do about the Massie thing?" Claire asked, tracing the rasied gash under her sweater.

"Just act normal." Alicia said in a "Duh" tone as the Hummer cruised to a stop infront of BOCD High. Alicia climbed out, making Claire run to catch up, feeling everyone's eyes on her. But it wasn't and envy stare. More like a pity stare, as if they felt sorry for Alicia because of Massie's death. Alicia wanted to bark at all of them, but she knew better. She could feel the weight of Massie's letter on her shoulers, telling her to step down.

Old habits die hard.

* * *

"Come on Kris. Let's go." Dylan said, gripping her backpack in her left hand.

"Coming." Kristen said, stepping out of her room. Dylan waited for her at the front door, then walked silently beside her.

"I bet Alicia's pissed," Kristen said, laughing dryly.

"Probably. But whatever." Dylan said, sliding into her Converj Concept Cadillac. It wasn't supposed to be avaible yet, but her mom had connections. Kristen sat in the passenger seat, putting her backpack in between her feet.

"Are you doing okay?" Dylan asked while backing out of the driveway.

"It's not an easy thing to go through - twice - but, yeah, I'm doing better. It's just hard." Kristen said, wiping her eye.

"Yeah. I'm sorry." Dylan said awkwardly.

"Don't be. That's what I hate. Becuase my parents are dead and Massie's dead, everyone's sorry. Don't be!" Kristen exploded. Dylan looked at her with wide eyes.

"Oh..." She traild off, still stunned at the outburst.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to take that out of you, but it's just bugged me forever." Kristen apologized.

"Nah, it's alright. Now I know what not to say," Dylan joked.

"Yeah. Thanks." Kristen said, watching the trees pass her window, breathing deep. She had something do to today. Something that might just change her life.

* * *

"Kendra..."

"No William, I will not listen to you plead anymore. Just face it; we're not in love anymore." Kendra said, hand on her purse, other gripping the doorknob.

"Kendra, just fucking listen, okay! All you've done this morning is shoot me down whenever I start to say something!" William said angrily at her.

"O-kay." Kendra said, somewhat shocked from William's outburst.

"Okay, this is horribly embarassing, but the reason I cheated on you with other women was because you didn't meet my... Er... Sexual needs." William admitted, blushing rose red.

"Oh," Kendra said, shocked all over again. It was the same deal for her, but she never wanted to admit it, even to herself.

Maybe she still loved him... Maybe it was all in her head...

* * *

"...That's why," Derrick explained to Cam, telling him all the reasons he ditched Massie, even though he should have been with her.

"Oh. I'm sorry man. That really sucks." Cam said to him, feeling half anger half sadness towards his best friend. He knew that Derrick was plenty smart enough to realize what he'd done was wrong, but Cam never realized how stuipd Derrick could be when it came to common sense.

"Don't say that!" Derrick yelled, pushing his fists to his eyes. He was trying to fight the tears that were escaping, but he couldn't stop them.

"What do you want me to say?" Cam asked, stunned.

"I want you to be pissed with me. Tell me to goo fuck off or something." Derrick said.

"God Derrick, I couldn't believe you were stuipd enough to go with the crowd and dump Massie for Alicia, even though you loved Massie. I wish you hadn't, because things would have been a lot simpler and just flat out better. Christ Derrick, I thought you were smart, not dumb." Cam said, the words slipping through his lips before he had time to stop them.

"Good," Derrick whispered.

"No Derrick, I didn't mean it..." Cam said, the anger gone from him now.

"No man, it's alright. I needed that," Derrick said, the tears still slipping down his cheeks, glistening like crystals, "Now go to school. You have a job to do." Cam looked at Derrick, realizing how true his words were.

"'Kay man. If you say so. But just call me and I'll be right over." Cam said, standing up and walking out of Derrick's rrom. He knew he should have said good bye, but he couldn't. He loved the guy like a brother, but couldn't stand to see him heartbroken.

* * *

Josh slammed his locker, trying to ignore all the strange looks the student body was giving him.

"Hey Josh. You okay?" Olivia Ryan asked, looking up into Josh's brown eyes.

"Doin' okay. Been better," Josh said, walking around Olivia. He had to make it through two more month of this school before he would be at Duke, startign a whole new life. Leaving all of this behind. All but one memory and a note.

"That's good. Listen Josh, I know everyone thinks I'm the dumbest girl around, but I can see that you're hurting. More than you want to admit. If you just wanna talk..."

"Olivia, I'm fine, okay? Beside, it doesn't matter what these people think. I'll be leaving this place soon." Josh said, turning to look at Olivia while the crowds thinned out, only a few daring to stick around the halls.

"Lemme' guess. You can't wait to be out of this hell-hole, to go to Duke and start a new life. You can't wait to forget about everything that's happened at BOCD." Olivia said, raising a perfectly waved eyebrow. Josh stared at her blankly.

"See? I'm not a stuipd as I say. I know you pretty well Josh, and I've only ever said a few words to you before. And no, I haven't been stalking you. You're just too easy to read." Olivia said.

"Oh," Josh merely replied, looking into Olivia's sea blue eyes.

"Come on, let's get out of here. You can tell me your story, but first, we need to make a quick stop..."

* * *

_Oh-kay! Whatta'yah think? Would this story be and okay Jolivia/Olivosh? (Is that right? Ughh, I hate that!)_

_And what about Kendra and William. Should they stick together or fall apart? I can't decide..._

_And what is Cam's job? Could it have something to do with that phone call? EEP, you'll have to guess!!!_

_Review it._

_xoxo, join. me. in. the. thunder_


	7. Holding On

Holding On...

"What. The. Hell?" Claire said through clenched teeth, fist's tight as she looked at Cam through narrow eyes.

"Sorry Claire, but I won't lie anymore." Cam breathed. He knew his job wouldn't be easy. Especially part one.

"Cam, how the fuck could you do this to me?" Claire asked, her vision going red around the edges.

"Claire, I'm really sorry, but I can't lie anymore. I don't love you. I'm really sorry." Cam said, stepping back from her. Claire just watched him walk away, feeling cold and empty, hard and lonely.

_I need to get out of here,_ She thought, turning on her heels and going into the first bathroom she saw. A wave of tears hit her, but it wasn't because Cam left her.

The 'bitch' Massie called Claire in her notes was taking Claire over. She couldn't go back to being sweet and down-to-Earth anymore. Cam was the only hold she ever had on that, and now, she just couldn't do it. Claire felt the need, the urge to make this go away, if only for a minute. She rolled up the sleeve's on her sweater, and presses her wrist to the towel dispenser. Claire took a breath, then press and slid.

The cut wasn't big. Not as big as Claire wanted it to be. She she cut herself again. And again. And again.

Finally, when her wrist was neatly cut open, blood dripping out of the wound slowly, Claire grinned. She wasn't looking through her own eyes. She was watching from the ceiling. Where she wanted to be.

* * *

Josh followed Olivia into the mall, trying to think of a positive reason for being here on a Monday morning. Olivia glanced behind her, then took his and and push through Macy's, into the actual mall. Josh looked at her hand in his, almost stunned at her bravery.

"Olivia..." Josh said, but trailed off as she walked into a little cafe, no one inside.

"Comm'on," Olivia said pulling him through the back room, where she waved to a guy with eyebrow and nose piercings. Josh sped up his walking tempo when the man glanced at their intertwined hands. Olivia kept pulling Josh along, even as the got to the loading docks, where Josh had to run to stay with Olivia.

"Where are we going?" Josh asked as Olivia led him across as small street.

"You'll see," Olivia replied, turning left around the corner, then into a little store. _Sunflower Bistro_, the sign said. Josh shrugged his shoulders, then walked in, watching Olivia talk to an older woman behind the counter. She must've been forty-five, at least, and was heavy-set. She was grinning, nodding to whatever Olivia said, then walked into the kitchen. Olivia sat down at a small table in the corner, motioning for Josh to follow.

"What is this place?" Josh asked.

"Rhonda's coffee and chocolate cherry pie are to die for," Olivia grinned like Josh never said anything.

"Chocolate cherry pie?" Josh asked, leaning his elbows on the table.

"It sounds too intense or even a little gross, but it's amazing." Olivia said, watching the woman - Rhonda? - walk out with two cups of coffee. Her warm brown eyes were flickering in between the two, but never in a rude way.

"Here you go Liv. And random-boy-whom-I do-not-know," Rhonda winked at him, putting sugar and cream in between them.

"Rhonda, we won't need that," Olivia said, waving it off, "And this is Josh."

"Hello Josh. What can I get you?" Rhonda asked.

"Uhm...." Josh replied, clearly confused. He picked up a menu, but couldn't even open it before Olivia picked it out of his hands. She looked pointedly at Rhonda.

"Oh, right, I forgot you weren't a regular. My bad. Okay, well today I made Chocolate Cherry, Frazzleberry, Apple Orange, and Boston Cream. Oh, and I'm frying some hash browns, and I have a batch of eggs done in," Rhonda looked down at her watch, "Three minutes."

"Frazzleberry?" Josh asked.

"It's blackberry, raspberry, lemon and a touch of extra sugar. Sounds gross, but Liv here loves it." Rhonda laughed. Her gray-brown hair shook with her laugh, bouncing off her shoulders.

"Okay. I'll have the, uh, Boston Cream Pie, please." Josh said, looking into Olivia's blue eyes.

"I'll have the Frazzleberry and Chocolate Cherry. Oh, and get Josh a side of the Apple Orange, if you would." Olivia said up to Rhonda, who nodded then went into the kitchen.

"I'm not that hungry."

"When you start eating, you will be. And you can't settle for Boston Cream. Believe me."

"So you're a regular?" Josh asked.

"Yup. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. It's nice to settle in here." Olivia said. Josh couldn't agree more. The room was painted soft orange, yellow curtians falling over every window, giving it a stuble glow. Table's were scattered around the room, looking perfectly planned without even trying. Some had white cloths falling over them, while others didn't their wood glowing nicely.

"This is a nice place," Josh said.

"Do you like coffee?" Olivia looked down at his cup.

"Oh, right. I forgot." Josh picked it up, then took a sip. Olivia was right. This was to die for, even of it was black. "This is good."

"I told you." Olivia replied, leaning back for Rhonda to put her pie in front of her. Josh leaned back too, not realizing how close they were.

"Thanks Rhonda." Olivia said.

"Yeah, thanks."

"Not a problem kids. If you need anything, you know where to find me." Rhonda said softly, going back into the kitchen. She waved at another couple that were leaving, then pushed through the door.

"So how did you find this place?" Josh asked, picking up his fork.

"Rhonda is an old family friend. My dad helped her start this place, and she always took care of me when my parents went out of town. She's like my second mom in a way, but I can tell her anything." Olivia said wistfully, taking a bit of her Frazzleberry. Josh looked down at his Boston Cream Pie, then took a bite.

It was pretty darn good, that's for sure. Josh took another bite, then another, wanting to snarf it all down, then eat the whole pie.

"Easy there. I know it's good, but if you eat to fast, you'll get a stomach ache. I figured that one out the hard way." Olivia grinned, cutting another piece of pie out then biting into it. Josh grinned, looking down at his hearty piece.

Josh took a breath. He really didn't want to ask this question. "So why did you bring me here?"

"Just listen for right now, okay? I have something I need to tell you," Olivia said. Josh nodded, then looked at her. "Okay, so you know how I'm stuipd and all? Well, I'm actually not. See, when I still lived in Chicago, I was the smartest kid in my class, but never the most popular. Almost every kid in the school hated me because the teachers always compared me to them, and I always got an A+. So when my dad said we were moving, I was estactic. I could get a new start and have tons of friends. I took notes on the popluar girls, and realized what they all had in common: They were all ditzy. So stuipd, yet glamorous, so everyone loved them. So when we moved up here to Westchester, I tried to be like them: I tried to be dumb and glamorous so everyone would like me.

"But, of course it backfired, so everyone throught I was so stuipd, and I still wasn't popular. Why I wanted to be popular, I don't know. But I hid my true self, and I've been living a lie since seventh grade. Josh, I don't want that to be you. You think that when you go to college, when you go to Duke, everything's gonna be okay, and you can start over. But you can't . If you try, something will go wrong and you'll just live a lie and be unhappy. So when I make my valedictorian speech at graduation, this is what I'm going to say:

"I've lived a lie. I tried to start my life over to become something I wasn't meant to be. And with what's happened here this year, I think more than one person will try to start their life over, to forget everything that's happened at Briarwood-Octavian County Day High School, and move one. But for as good as that may sound, it won't be. So maybe, just maybe, we have to hold on to what's happened here. We shouldn't forget everything that's happened this year, we should just live. Live like it did happen, and learn from it. So as you toss your cap, live in the moment. Remember, cherish and love, because if you try to forget, you'll just remember and fight." Olivia breath, closing her eyes, a tear sliding down her cheek.

"Josh, I don't know if you knew this, but in her last few months, Massie got close with me. She was the only one who knew I hid my grades, my GPA, my life. Do you know what she told me? She said she's sorry. For everything. For making fun of me, for not realizing, and for having me hide my secret. The whole time we were friends, I knew that she was breaking. That she was broken. I wish I had done something. Something to stop her, something to let her be here... You probably wish the same thing. That if we had just said something...

"But I didn't. You didn't. None of us did. We let her fall. And it's our fault. It's her fault. It's everyone's fault. Yet, no one is to blame. She told me this in the note she wrote to me," Oliva tossed down a lined piece of paper on the table, wiping her tears, "She told me not to blame me. Not to blame her or you, or even Alicia, even though she wanted to. She said that this was the way God planned for her. It wasn't the picture perfect life she had planned for herself, but this is how it was. And even though Massie didn't say anything I could pick this up from her note.

"She wanted us to remember her. She wanted us to hold on to her, to keep her in our hearts. It sounds selfish, and right now I feel like I'm just repeating myself, but I know what she meant. She knew we would want to move on, to leave her in the dust and walk away. Which is why she wanted this. She wanted us to learn from her own life. And Josh, that's what I'm going to do, everyone else be damned. That's what I want you to do." Olivia said, looking at him. Josh sat, open mouthed, feeling the pie in his stomach tumble.

This _couldn't_be happening. It just couldn't. It was all to much to take in. Olivia being Massie's friend, Olivia being valedictorian, Olivia living a lie... Josh needed reach is arm out, to swip through Olivia's figure, to realize this was all a dream.

But it wasn't. Josh could feel the weight of Olivia's words on him. How he needed to remember Massie, to learn from what happened, to never forget.

"Josh?" Olivia asked, looking at him.

"I'm sorry, I..." Josh couldn't finish. He picked up a napkin from his empty pie plates, and presses it to his mouth, breathing in.

"Josh, calm down." Olivia handed him a new napkin, watching him wipe his tears. She probably shouldn't have dumped it all on him like this. But she had to.

"Why?" Josh looked at Olivia's perfect face, wondering how this could all happen.

"I don't know. But this is how it has to be." Olivia repiled. She really didn't have an answer.

"Olivia, I really... I just... I don't think I can. Remember any of this. I just..." Josh trailed off.

"I understand. But Josh, we'll get through this. I promise." Olivia said, taking his hand across the small table. She stood up, leaving some money on the table, before walking out with Josh tucked under her arms, coaxing him the whole way.

* * *

William sat at the large dining room table, spinning his gold wedding band. He watched it for a long time, spinning on the dark wood. He needed to get his wife back. He loved her. But she didn't see it as she packed her suitcases, headed for the Ritz-Carlton, not even glancing behind her. William stared out the window, then realized what he needed to do.

He picked up his Droid, pressing speed dial six, then waited. And waited.

"Come one Kendra, pick up." He muttered, listening to the sixth buzz. Then the seventh.

"What is it William?" Kendra asked into the phone, clearly annoyed.

"Have lunch with me. Please. Let's at least talk this through." William pleaded, looking at their family portait from when Massie what a baby. Kendra was holding her close, her arms supporting her head, soft but sturdy. Kendra was looking at the camrea, smiling proudly, while Massie was asleep, her arm resting on Kendra's. William was looking down at Kenrda, bubbling with happiness and love. He didn't even realize that the photographer had taken the picture, but when it came out, he knew it would be a keeper.

"I don't know William." Kendra breathed.

"Please Kendra." William said again, his voice growing horse.

"Okay, fine. But I pick the place."

"Okay. Tell me where."

"It's a little place called Sunflower Bistro, on the corner of White Water Street and Sonka Avenue. Meet me there in twenty." Kendra hung up, leaving William with no option.

*

Twenty mintues later, Kendra walked through the door, looking around the room, she spotted William leaning over a menu, his eyebrows knotted together. Kendra waved to the owner, then sat across from him, looking at her own menu.

"Hey," William said softly, looking at Kendra.

"Hello," Kendra said, waving over the woman.

"Hello, my name's Rhonda, what can I get ya'll?" She asked, hands on her hips.

"I'll have lemon water and the Tuna Fish on wheat, please," Kendra said.

"Okay. And for you sir?"

"I'll have a Diet Coke the LA Burger with swiss cheese." William handed the woman his menu.

"It'll be right out," Rhonda said, spinning on her heels and pushing into the kitchen.

"Where did you find this place?" William asked, looking at her.

"Oh, Inez is a friend of Rhonda's. She intorduced me to this place a few months ago. It's a one woman buisness, but she runs it so well, it's amazing." Kendra said, crossing her legs.

"Interesting," William folded his arms on the table, leaning in a bit.

"So why did you want to have lunch?" Kendra asked, thanking Rhonda for the drinks.

"Because I think we need to talk about this. We can't just leave each other without talking it through."

"But William, there isn't anything to say."

"How do you know that Kendra? There's a thousand things to say, and you know it. Please, let's just talk." William looked at Kendra intensely.

"Fine. What do you have to say?" Kendra said, fighting the urge to roll her eyes.

"I..." William leaned back, letting Rhonda slide his burge on the table.

"Thanks," He said. Rhonda nodded down at him, then put on a big smile for the group of five that walked in.

"You what?" Kendra said, picking up a pickle slice and popping it in her mouth.

"I - this is beyond embarrassing, by the way - I only cheated on you because... Well... I was never fully satisfied. In, uhm, bed." William blushed, whispering the words quickly.

"Oh," Kendra said, snapping back a little. So he always loved her, just... Not it bed.

"Yeah. Then, when I found out you were cheating on me, I got pissed and started cheating on you because, well, I was insanely jealous. I lost interset in the, er, pleasure department and did it because I was pissed and wanted revenge. And I'm sorry. I wish I never had. I wish we had just talk about it. I wish I had been there to stop Massie." William's voice cracked as he wiped a tear. Kendra looked at him.

"Will, I'm so sorry. I-" Kendra cut herself off, realizing what she was about to say. _'I wish I hadn't cheated on you either.'_

But in truth, Kendra was glad she did.

* * *

"Okay, whoever that asshole was who invented that beyond ah-noying song needs to die. Now." Alicia said, glaring at a few girls before they shut down their iPods, running away with their song. She sighed, the sat back down at their lunch table.

"No need to be a bitch," Kristen rolled her eyes. In truth, it felt amazing to stand up to Alicia, but inside she was sick with nervousness. Not because of Alicia would do to her, but because of something else...

"Excuse me?" Alicia turned her stare at Kristen, raising one eyebrow.

"I said, 'No need to be a bitch'. Got a problem?" Kristen said right back, Dylan silently agreeing with her while Claire looked at the ceiling.

"Maybe I do. Maybe the little beta's shouldn't be mouthing off." Alicia sneered.

"And maybe it's time for the 'beta' to break away from the damn alpha." Kristen returned the look.

"Shut the fuck up you little whore." Alicia hissed through her teeth. Today was not going as planned.

"I'd rather not, thanks for asking. And if you think I the whore, you might wanna look down. I think you'll find who the real whore is if you do." Kristen smirked as Alicia looked down at her boobs, falling for an old trick.

"You little fucker."

"Uhm, no that would be you." Dylan stepped in, folding her arms across her chest.

"Would it Dylan? At least I haven't been sleeping around with Chris Polvert all year." Alicia said loudly.

"At least I wasn't the cause of Massie's death!" Dylan shouted at her. Everyone turned to look at Alicia, who was going pale.

"Dylan, shut up." Alicia whispered, looking at her with vemon.

"No. You killed her. It's all your fault and I won't let you forget!" Dylan yelled, tears blurring her vision.

"Please." Alicia whispered, even lower than before. Her stomach was knotting, nervousness shaking her body.

"Never." Dylan hissed. Kristen took her friends arm, pulling her away. Kristen whispered into her ear as they walked down the hall, not making eye contact with anyone. Alicia breathed deeply, trying to stay strong as the eyes fell away from her, slowly, one by one. When they all dropped away, their mouths moving in hushed whispers, Alicia looked at Claire who was still studing the ceiling.

"Why didn't you help me?" Alicia asked quietly. Claire continued to look up, as if Alicia hadn't said anything. "Kuh-laire, answer me." Alicia said. Claire looked at Alicia now, her eyes cold and distant. She looked long and hard, then back up at the roof.

"Claire, what the hell is wrong with you?" Alicia asked, waiting for Claire to reply. Claire just turned her gaze to the window, blinking only when she had to. Alicia looked at her, before shaking her head and standing when the bell rang. She looked at Claire a moment longer, then walked away.

Claire rubbed her band aid while the crowds cleared, a semi smile on her face. She didn't say anythign to defend Alicia. It felt good. Just like the raised cut on her left wrist. Even after two hours, Claire still wasn't in her body.

She was where she wanted to be.

* * *

Derrick watched the melt down, trying not to think about it while he walked away.

Dylan was really pissed. And blaming Alicia for the death of her former best friend. Could things be any weirder?

"Hey man, what are you doing here?" Cam asked, stepping into place beside Derrick.

"I came to make sure your plan was going... As planned. Then I was gonna go. Being here just..." Derrick faltered, looking at his shoes.

"Yeah man, I know. And the plan is going well. I'm gonna tell her in a few minutes, if you wanna stick around." Cam looked at Derrick through his black hair.

"No, I'm good. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I'm gonna go now." Derrick turned around and headed for his old Chevy. Cam watched him go, then found Kristen.

"Kristen!" He shouted. She turned around and grinned at him, saying something to Dylan before walking up to him.

"Hey Cam." She whispered, blushing a little.

"So, have you thought about it?" He asked her, touching the back of her hand

"Yeah," She blushed a deeper red.

"And...?" Cam waited.

"I agree. I've felt it too." She grinned, looking in his two colored eye. Cam breathed a sigh of relief, then leaned down and kissed Kristen.

* * *

_Hehehe, GASP! So that was the plan all along!!!! I bet you never would have guessed.... Well, maybe you might've, but I thought I kept it kinda secret, with Cam and Kristen. _

_And Olivia being SMART! NO WAY! I thought that there should be a huge twist. And, yeah, she might've made a huge/long speach that kinda repeated it's self, but I wanted to get the point across._

_And last time, no one answered me. **Do you want Kendra and William to stay together or not?** _

_Let me know by review!_

_Thanks my little munchkins! :)_

_xoxo, join. me. in. the. thunder_


	8. Or Letting Go

Or Letting Go

"Josh... Are you okay?" Olivia asked to Josh's limp figure. She'd managed to drag him into her house and up into her bedroom, but so far he wasn't coming around.

"Josh-hhh. Anyone in there?" Olivia asked again, poking Josh lightly in the ribs. Josh mumbled something, finally moving into a slight sitting position.

"Liv?" He asked weakly.

"I'm right here," She said, leaning towards him and wrapping an arm around his back.

"Good. That's good..." Josh said lightly.

"Josh, I need you to drink this." Olivia pushed a can of sparkling water up to Josh's lips. He swallowed a little, then opened his eyes.

"Hey." He said, linking his eye's with hers.

"Hi," Olivia smiled timidly.

"What am I doing in you're room?"

"Well, you kinda passed out in the car. I dragged you in here." Olivia giggled, unwrapping her arm from him.

"Oh. Thanks." Josh said, stretching and standing up. Olivia held the drink out to him, and he took it, sipping carefully.

"How long have I been out?"

"Not long. About ten mintues. I almost started getting worried." Olivia giggled again.

"Geeze. I'm sorry about that. I was just a bit... Shocked."

"I can imagine. Sorry about dumping all that on you."

"It's okay. I'm glad I know now." Josh said, holding his hand out to Olivia. She took it and he hoisted her off the bed, then let her lead him to the kitchen, their hand's still intertwined. It felt weird to Josh. He'd only held Massie's hand for so long, and it never felt like this. Holding Olivia's hand was like finding that perfect Ralph Lauren Polo. The one that fit perfectly, was warm and comfortable.

"Sorry about the lack of food. Our house keeper's on vacation, and my parent's are on a buisness trip in France. I haven't gotten around to the market yet." Olivia said sheepishly, handing a box of Cookie Crisps to Josh and digging a hand into her box of Fruity Pebbles.

"It's okay. I love Cookie Crisps." Josh laughed, popping a miniature cookie into his mouth.

"Good, 'cause I wasn't gonna give you any Fruity Pebbles," Olivia laughed too, grabbing a carton of milk and a two bowls. Josh sat a the wooden counter in the high tech kitchen, pouring some cereal into the bowl. Olivia handed him a spoon, then got out two glass cups. She dug around in the panty for a minute before pulling out three packages of Double Stuff Oreos.

"Score!" She grinned, putting the boxes on the counter with the milk. She poured herself a bowl of cereal, then took a big bite.

"You eat a lot for being so skinny." Josh commented between mouthfuls of Cookie Crisps.

"Well, I love Zumba. That helps." Olivia said, still standing on the other side of the island. She leaned on the counter, setting her bowl down with her elbows on either side, looking at Josh.

"Zumba?"

"It's like a dance workout. I have a video if you wanna try it." Olivia grinned wickedly.

"Maybe. I'm good for now." Josh laughed, ripping open the plastic on the first package and dunking an Oreo in the glass of milk.

"Way to start without me," Olivia rolled her eyes, grabbing Josh's bowl and putting it in the sink with her's before grabbing an Oreo for herself.

"In a dog eat dog world, you gotta look out for yourself." Josh laughed. Being with Olivia made him forget about Massie and school and all that crap. It felt good.

"So, are you really okay? And don't lie," Olivia said seriously, the joke suddenly being pulled out of her.

"Well, it's tough. I truly believed I loved Massie. With all my heart. But then she went and... And I realized that I didn't. So I'm somewhere in between." Josh answered honsetly. Olivia wasn't an annoying ditz everyone made her out to be.

"I see what you mean. I loved Massie man. She was like a sister to me. But losing her... I couldn't cope at first. And it feels rediculous to think that was only two days ago, but something changed..." Olivia looked deeply into Josh's eyes, losing her train of thought.

"I know," Josh murmered dreamily, standing up and moving around the counter towards Olivia. "You're water?" He asked.

"Just use the sink," Olivia replied, pointing to the stainless steel faucet.

"Thanks," Josh moved towards it, filling up his glass and taking a long drink. He kept his eyes on Olivia, and when he finished the glass, he moved to stand next to her.

"So..."

"So..." Olivia replied, looking up into his chocolate eyes. Josh leaned down a little, and Olivia stood on her toes, pressing her full lips against his. Josh wound his fingers in her hair, and Olivia clutched to his shirt, pulling him down to her. Just as they went up for more air, Josh opened his eyes and saw Olivias perfect looks, her flushed cheeks, full lips, and silver hair.

"Stop. Oliva, stop," Josh said firmly, pushing Olivia away.

"Wh-"

"I'm not ready yet. I'm so sorry," Josh said, moving towards the front door while grabbing his coat. Olivia watched him go, touching her lips with her fingers. The note in her pocket was burning a hole through her Disel jeans, so she pulled it out and unfolded it again.

_...Try. Please try. It seems so wrong for me to ask you, but I have to. I know that you two belong together. I told Josh to never be with another girl from BOCD, but you're different. Please. Try..._

Olivia didn't think Massie was so wrong now.

* * *

Clarie stumbled through her front door, banging into the doorframe before racing up the steps to her room.

"Clarie! I need you're help with... Are you okay?" Todd asked, coming out of his room holding a hot glue gun and a piece of paper.

"Fine," Claire said, even though the smeared make up, deep purple lines under her eyes, open backpack and loose clothes begged to differ.

"Are you sure?" Fourteen year-old Todd asked, looking into his sisters clouded blue eyes.

"Positive." Claire said, moving into her room. Today had been pure hell, with Dylan and Kristen fighting Alicia. She'd finally broken down and had a few hits with Kemp. They'd also shared a bottle of vodka, and after that, things had been rather fuzzy. All she knew was that she's woken up in his car, alone, with a different shirt and unbuttoned jeans.

"Claire, can you help me with this English project? I need-"

"Not now Todd. I have my own homework!" Claire yelled at him, which was totally unlike her. Claire took a few deep breaths, then rummaged through her bedside table's drawer, and pulled out her Swiss Army knife.

"Fucking high school," Claire said, pulling it along her forearm, "Fucking friends. Fucking life. Fucking Massie." Clarie tore the kinfe at her skin. The pain that numbed her right arm gave her satisfaction, but Claire frowned apon it.

She'd read enough Seventeen magazines to know that self destruction was wrong. She'd even vowed never to do it with Massie in ninth grade.

Ha, that was funny.

But even though she knew Massie hadn't kept her end of the vow intact, did that mean she could breach it too?

Clarire pondered this thought while the blood dripped down her arm and onto the wooden floor, creating a small, crimson red puddle.

One little detail Claire forgot.

* * *

"So are you okay?" Cam asked, swinging his hand up in the air, Kristen's following.

"Well, I dunno. I miss her so much, but she wasn't a huge part of my life for the last year. It's weird to think about it. I want to cry over her, to mourn like crazy, but I can't when the guilt of shunning her for the past year is in my stomach." Kristen admitted, taking slow steps on the paved pathway.

"I know what you mean. I guess this is where we have to stay until we find something to help us." Cam agreed, looking around the empty park. A few older women sat on a wooden bench, gossiping about their old high school slut, but other than them, he and Kristen were the only one's in the park.

"I guess," Kristen said, stopping under the crabbapple tree that was in bloom, "Cam, did you ever think we'd be together?" She asked, refering to their intertwinded fingers.

"No, not really. I'd always thought Clarie was my entire life. I guess I never really thought hard enough about looking past her and seeing other things." Cam said, looking into Kristen's teal blue eyes.

"Oh," Kristen said, looking at the pink flowers that hung just above their heads. Cam reached an arm up and pucked a flower from the tree, then tucked it behind Kristen's left ear while she blushed madly. He stroked his fingers across her cheekbone, then leaned in until mere centimeters were keeping their faces apart.

"But I'm glad I finally did," He said, pressing his lips against hers.

* * *

Derrick looked out the window with lonely eyes, his insides feeling empty and cold. He tucked the blanket further up to his chin and sighed.

Massie had been his life. Sure, not talking to her had made it somewhat difficult, but watching her from across the cafeteria, keeping tabs on the mesmerizing laugh that filtered through his ears every day had made things more bareable. But now...

Now she was gone. And so was Derrick's heart.

Derrick knew he couldn't live without Massie. But could he end his life like she did? Derrick couldn't even imagine it. Or could he...

"Hey," Derrick's older sister Sammi said softly from behind him. She looked at him with sad blue eye as she tucked her caramel blond hair behind her ear.

"Hey."

"Everything okay?"

"No." Derrick said, still looking out the window at his pine tree. He and his dad had planted it when he was five, and he and Sammi use to play hide-and-seek in it when they were both younger. That felt like ages ago now.

"If you wanna talk, I'm here. But not pressure." Sammi said softly again, stepping forward to touch his left shoulder before walking out and shutting the door silently behind her.

Derrick thought about what Sammi said, about talking to someone. Could he go to someone and tell them about what he was feeling?

No, he knew he couldn't. They would tell him that Massie would want him to move on, to live his life again. But Derrick knew he couldn't, not without Massie at his side.

And there was only one way to get Massie back to his side.

* * *

"Ah-Leesh-ah!" Nadia Rivera called up to her daughter.

"Yes mom?" Alicia asked.

"Can you call you're little friends sometime this week? We want to have a graduation/memories party for Massie Block."

"Sure mom," Alicia rolled her eyes, tapping on her wooden desk with her manicured fingernails.

"Thank you _bebe._" Nadia said, clacking away from their spiral staircase. Alicia picked up her iPhone and tapped on the E-mail App. She added all her contacts to the _Send To:_ box and typed a short e-mail.

_Hi everyone, it's Alicia, of course._

_My family and I are having a party to celebrate graduatining and in memory of Massie Block on the..._

"Mom! What day?" Alicia yelled.

"Probably next Friday dear!" Nadia shouted back.

_-next Friday, June the first. _

_I'll expect to see you there._

_-Alicia._

Alicia read the e-mail once over, then pressed send. She sighed, then sat back in her big desk chair and rubbed her temples.

Sure, she had accomplished the 'How to Lose a Friend', part of her mission, but she didn't want it to go like that, nor did she want to much such a scene. Alicia sighed again, then got up to take a shower.

Maybe she could wash away all of her problems.

* * *

_Sorry for the sucky chapters. I've been kinda outta it lately._

_So what did you think? I feel bad for making Derrick all depressed while Cam and Kristen are like, totally in love. And with Josh and Olivia..._

_Any thoughts?_

_And sorry for not fitting Dylan anywhere in there. I didn't know where to put her. My b. :)_

_So review please! :)_

_Hot chocolate and s'mores,_

_xoxo, join. me. in. the. thunder_


	9. Another Author Note

_Hey guys! It's me (duh) join. me. in. the. thunder!_

_Okay, so I'm MEGA SORRY, but I'm putting this story under **haitus, **because, you see, I have two other major stories going on, plus my one-shot thing, and I have two idea's for stories brewing in my head. So I've come to the decision to put this one on haitus. I'm very sorry to all you fans out there. I'm hoping to get a few more chapters in Upside Down Reflections (UDR), and possibly finish Innocent Grace and a Sweet Face (IG&SF), before I come back to this. Once again, I'm SUPER SORRY!_

_Thanks for all your support and understanding! _

_:)_

_xoxo, join. me. in. the. thunder_


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